Sun and Surf?

Jerry and I sit side by side on the couch tonight, streaming over all-inclusive deals. We've narrowed it down to the Caribbean as it is close to home and offers some inexpensive options. We're looking for a quick injection of sun and warmth before baby numero two takes over central command on Forest Avenue (post currently held by a certain two year old). I really appreciate Jerry taking the lead on this one. He is insisting on a little R&R after a ridculous work schedule...and who am I to question?
I should be elated, right? Who in their right mind wouldn't be? You know where this is going, don't you?
So I'm a bit confused as to this whole resort/all-inclusive concept. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around "doing nothing". I forbade any vacationing in Mexico, Jamaica, Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic. Too much history, culture and really great food to be had off of the resort. I would be like a bird in a cage, chomping at the bit to get out and hang out in the local pueblo eating elotes or scamming some jerk chicken out of a street-side steel drum. Instead, I am in search of a culture-less, small island that is inundated with McDonalds and Americans so that I don't feel tempted to escape. Any ideas? Maybe we should visit some tanning beds in Danville.