Why can't everyday be Saturday? Ah, lingering in our pajamas until 7 a.m.. I feel so guilty just writing about it. Ha.

Free Day

Today was a free day. Laundry was done, leftovers in the fridge and work was for tomorrow. I asked Ella yesterday what she would like to do on her day "off". I was prepared for some crazy response like go to the moon or breed unicorns but instead her request was food related. Today was officially Ice Cream and Popcorn Day! Bet you forgot to buy a card. Don't worry there is always next year. So in an effort to make a learning experience out of it...because it's always about learning...ugh I hate myself...we went to the only Filipino ice cream parlor in the Chicago-land area. I smiled at the staff, because I'm obviously part of the club. I at least have honorary membership as my girls are "Mestizas". I tried to talk Ella into a little Halo-halo but instead settled for the true cultural experience, Superman ice cream. The guy behind the counter covered it in sprinkles much to her delight. Thankfully I am able to have a bit more pull with Viv. She and I shared some maiz ice cream. Who knew corn could taste so good? We can't wait to try this place out with Lolo and Lola!

Here She Goes Again...

God discussions, Part II:
Ella has been participating in our church's "kid's mass". She is the bread-passer-outer at Communion....certainly there's a better title for that, right? Anyway, she takes it a step further saying "Body of Christ, Bread of Heaven" as she passes me a spoon or an empty bag of fish crackers at home. She finishes each book we read in the evenings with an "Amen" (Lutheran Preschool at work). God has no choice but to reside in the forefront of my mind as of late.

I'm nowhere near feeling resolved about this whole thing. But I'm starting to realize that the hunt is what it's all about. I guess we value more what we put effort into. Kinda like a relationship or a hobby, you gotta work at it. In other words, God is playing hard to get.

So I read a book because I didn't know where else to start. The book's author took it upon himself to travel around the world and immerse himself in a variety of religions. And because I don't have any fixers in the Sufi Muslim world or a Franciscan Monk for a cousin I thoroughly enjoyed his research as he embarked on his own personal quest. I started talking about his book with friends. Getting more and more excited as the chapters progressed, knowing that once I got to the final chapter I would have this whole thing figured out. It took all the restraint in the world to not skip to the end. I thought cheating in this instance would not lead to good karma. And wouldn't you know it, that last chapter did not end with some big reveal and a box of kleenex. But don't despair dear reader. I did come away with some valuable insights. I write this not as a primer for anyone but myself.

1. Trust the way thing are.
2. Slow down. Return to your body. Our minds spend very little time in the body. Remember what life is like when we are conscious of our velocity.
3. Don't get hung up on an image. I'm going to get a little Kabalah on you...
I've always tried to personify God. Was it really an old white guy with a beard? I found comfort in thinking about God as your soul. What makes us unique. For some people, God manifests itself as creativity, a way with words or a generous heart. This is how God speaks to you.
4. Stop worrying about what your beliefs are. Start considering who you are and what you experience.
5. And in regard to organized religion: The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

Spiritual searches are round trip journeys. We always seem to return right where we started. And this journey is just beginning.

Weirdness is in the DNA.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Parenthood really forces a long, hard look in the mirror. And most of the time it's in fluorescent lighting or at least one of those mirrors at Old Navy...they always make me look lumpy. The point is, nothing escapes. Parenthood is an assessment of what's there and more importantly, what's missing. For me, religion has always been one of those things that I kept in the recesses of my brain. An abyss of questions to which there may not be answers. Not something this concrete thinker likes to grapple with. For that I would need weeks, months, years to ponder and meditate on what God and religion mean to me and frankly I've been too busy. In a nutshell, I guess I don't do well with unknowns. I remember waking up on Sunday mornings and tiptoeing around the house, praying my mom would sleep in so that we wouldn't have to attend Sunday school. I guess I never really understood how the arc and the whale, the persecution and the fish all applied to my nine year old self. To make matters worse, I grew up and began my career working with pediatric cancer patients. Hello, God? Anyone there? Then I started watching historical documentaries on the evolution of Christianity, biographies of Jesus. Although fascinating, any stores of faith that I had were completely depleted. My Sunday morning God was bacon and eggs at Louie's Grill. But in 2007 I got pregnant. And there began the subtle stirrings of these tucked away thoughts on God. Ella was born and baptised. Then Viv was born and baptised. We have a welcoming neighborhood church and a priest that knows our names. But I want more. I want to be able to let go of all the ugliness that I think religions can represent at times. I want to experience moments that "bewilder the intellect yet utterly quiet the heart" (G K Chesteron). I am looking to fill a void. I used to harbor feelings of pity for people steeped in their religions. Didn't they watch the history channel? But the more I observe, many of these folks are truly happy. Now don't expect me to start talking in tongues or hitting you up for donations for my new found religion, Church of Ready Whip. I won't be joining Tom, Katie and the Travoltas at their next Scientolgoy luncheon. I need a God that will accept my doubts and my imperfections. Does that sound too self-centered, too Gen X? Hey burning at the stake is so 16th century...I can custom fit my religion can't I? But I am actively and quietly seeking...and according to Rumi, "what I seek is seeking me". So who knows, maybe we'll meet.