The Greatest Show on Earth

The circus was in town. Jerry and his cousin tried to convince me to go as the bearded lady but I settled on ring master...hey, I can at least pretend I have some control over this three ring adventure, can't I? Ella agreed to a compromise earlier in the week. She was officially our "princess clown" versus plain old clown. Note the difference? The lion didn't put up much of an argument. In fact, she was as docile as a kitten and slept most of the afternoon while the princess clown and strong man set to work. Jerry and I decided that next Halloween we will prep our daughters with candy flash cards before pounding the pavement. Ella needs to develop better wrapper recognition before she puts just anything in her pumpkin. Smarties, Almond Joys, Sweettarts = undesirable. Reeses, M & Ms, Butterfingers and Heath = major score. Dum dums = a kind but firm refusal. The candy has been counted and sorted...a step that must be innate to any trick or treater. Jer and I have at least one month's worth of bribery on our kitchen counter. Gotta love Halloween.

Scarred for Life

Thankfully none of the kids came down with ring worm after making them roll around in the leaves for pictures. Louie suffered only mild abrasions after getting stuck in the tree's branches following a game of "Toss the Baby". Scott, you've got a good arm! By the way, how cute is the hand holding? 100% unposed! My brother and I would have been walloping each other with wiffle ball bats at this age.

Mornings at the Biags

The predawn hours seem to be filled with much activity in the Biag household. After waking up with Vivian twice during the night, the day officially gets kicked off soon after 6 a.m. Showers commence, brushing teeth begins (with both a yellow and pink toothbrush) and intense negotiations ensue ("But I don't want to wear XYZ"). Jerry and I are still working through the morning's choreography. He gets teeth, I get hair, I get breast pump, he packs the car. I really think we could take our routine on "Dancing with the Stars"; we'd kick ass. By the time we get in the car and pull away to our respective destinations (train, daycare, the Public Aid office), we find ourselves panting in disbelief...did we actually accomplish all of that in under one hour? A brief moment of pride is soon followed by a realization that it is only Tuesday and Jerry's off to Houston for the remainder of the weak. Double doo doo.

Classifieds

According to an old African proverb, it takes a village to raise a child. And at first glance, the Village of Oak Park could easily fit the bill. We love the proximity to the city, the many transportation options, OP's pride in it's diversity, not to mention the farmer's market donuts. But Jerry and I don't just want a village, we want friends. Local friends. We are like Jennifer Aniston nearing Valentine's Day; the desperation must be palpable. We are constantly trolling for potential buddies but are coming up short.
"They have a dog" (automatic disqualifier given Jerry's allergies).
"They have grey hair"
"They seemed too eager" (Actual disqualifier recently used with a perfectly nice couple we met at the farmer's market...we discounted them as possible evangelists...no kidding. And yes, although we too are desperate for friendship, it doesn't come off that way. We play hard to get. There is a real difference).
So Jerry and I are officially posting an opening for friendship in the Oak Park area. Our objective is to find a normal couple with children that live within a three block radius. To help narrow down the candidates, as I'm sure we will be inundated, we've created the "FIVE PILLARS OF FRIENDSHIP" as seen below.
1. Intensity: This couple must take parenting seriously but not act as they do. They must allow for the right amount of dirt consumption and dangerous play. They are a candidate that would not microwave a Styrofoam take out container but would live by the "Ten Second Rule".
2. Interests: Candidate couples must be a source of inspiration. They must engage in extracurriculars that do not involve Huggies or sippy cups. Understandably, parenthood is a primary role in our lives right now...but bring us something other than one dimension. We want to hear about your trumpet lessons or your obsession with the Kardashian family...motivate us. The perfect candidates would be well versed in both ESPN and PBS.
3. Food and Drink: The right candidates have at least a working knowledge of foods like quinoa or confit. We don't want to hire a baby sitter to go out with friends that order like our toddler. Chicken fingers are a definite disqualifier.
4. Politics: If we like and respect you, we may be willing to listen to a differing view point. Otherwise, this is an obvious deal breaker.
5. Appearance: We've never been able to pull off the disheveled mommy/homeless man look. We don't feel bad about it...most people can't. Our prospective friends must be one standard deviation above the guy that panhandles off of Harlem Avenue exit. It's not vanity...just a sign that you haven't allowed your children to completely hijack your life.

Resumes will be accepted starting November 1st. Best of luck to all of the prospective candidates.

The Latest

Operation "Confused As Ever" has commenced as I finish my latest reads in what feels like an abyss of publications offering parenting advice. However, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee" by Mogel and "Nurtureshock" by Bronson are books that I want to heartily endorse...at least until the next wave of parenting trends hits my local Borders. Both posit that parents today should praise less, allow for low-quality time, disappoint their kids with mediocrity and strive for being "good enough"...then hang around with said child and wait to see what develops. What a paradox...doing nothing and our lives become richer? Sounds good, no? To most this would be liberating; a welcomed invitation to tone down the uber-parent tendencies. For me it is a one-way ticket on the crazy train. Now I have to think about doing nothing? Find time in our busy schedule for emptiness while encouraging insignificance? This a total brainscrew (I so badly want to use the "f" word but my mother may be reading this). I feel like Ashton Kutcher may be lurking around the corner just ready to jump out and tell me I've been "Punked".
But really, I get it. I just need to work harder on implementing absence of activity. Oh yeah, and I guess that means I should bite my tongue when the simple act of admiring clouds with my toddler turns into a spout off about evaporation, condensation and atmospheric gases. Good Lord, I'm a real head case.

Pumpkin Par-tay

We got a jump start on the Halloween festivities this weekend with a few family friends. Ella took a break from her "rainbow hat" aka clown wig and donned a princess headdress as she and her friends decorated pumpkins and noshed on dirt cakes. I was pretty impressed with the moms and dads in attendance. We could have been a sorry lot. Two sets of us had infants, one with a probably ear infection and we were outnumbered by four. We sipped martinis and micro brews trying to dress up a night of chili, hot dogs and glow necklaces as well as to help drown out the twelve kids, high on sugar running up and down the driveway trying out their best monster impressions. Overall, I think we did a pretty good job.
p.s. Is it me or does that cupcake look vaguely inappropriate? Tee hee.

Today, after an afternoon nap, we kicked around leaves. We saw deer. We stood in a forest with a golden sun shining through golden trees. This was an afternoon not to be squandered.

Return to Me

On the eve of what will be my first full week back, I was prepared to feel a lot of things. Sadness, regret and overwhelming anxiety was the obvious prediction. What I wasn't expecting was relief. Ella and Viv were kind enough to make sure I didn't get swallowed up by my own depression tomorrow as I drop them both off. How was this achieved you may ask? I spent the day wiping noses and scraping sh*t out of undergarments. I was taunted, screamed at and physically assaulted. I always thought I had this type of behavior under control...but I was so close to ringing up Jo from the Super Nanny so that she and her "naughty stool" could come over and open up a can of whoop ass (I had to say "ringing" as she is from England). So tomorrow as we pile into the car at 7:45 a.m. and I prepare for my day as problem solver, whine receptacle and social worker extraordinaire, I will thank my girls for giving me the best gift ever...I will be dropping them off with a smile.
Note: I don't typically clean sh*t out of underwear...that is not in my job description...but these were never worn AND from the Baby Gap. Case closed.

Staycation Fall 2010

Create your own photo slideshow

We took a vaca from the day to day this weekend. Jerry and I thought it a good idea to pack up - and by pack up we mean PACK UP - pay an arm and a leg for parking and spend 24 hours in a fifteen by twenty foot cell...I mean room...with a toddler and infant. We don't claim to be the sharpest tacks in the box. Despite thwarted Magnificent Mile plans due to the rain, we had a great time. We were able to stroll through Millennium Park and visit the Bean (aka Cloud Gate) for all of three seconds. Who knew two year olds were not that "into" modern art? Back at the hotel we got in our jammies, ordered in and watched the city lights from the comfort of our beds. We didn't fuss about crumbs, eating in or jumping on the bed. We even donned pjs until 9 a.m. The cleaning staff has undoubtedly not seen this type of room abuse since the last time White Snake was in town...but hey, it wasn't our house ; ) We left a decent tip, didn't we Jer?