Pregnancy Tact 101

Five years ago, childless and extremely naive, I had the nerve to exclaim to my pregnant friend, "You've gotten so BIG" (note caps). Music to her ears, no doubt. It wasn't until I became pregnant myself, stuffing myself into jogging bras and praying my bare midriff would not see the light of day, that I truly understood how absolutely wrong and horrible a comment like that was. So in the interest of public awareness I have decided to compile a list of "shouldn'ts" when conversing with our pregnant sisters:
1. "Are you having twins?"
2. "You are starting to walk like a __________." (any animal, fill in the blank)
3. "You must be having a girl." I now know that having a girl means a distorted face and a torso that looks like you swallowed throw pillows. Something about baby girls taking away all of your beauty. Laura recently paid me the highest compliment by stating that all signs are pointing to boy for this pregnancy. Phew!
4. "You're only twenty weeks? You look like you could go any day!"
5. "You're face is really starting to fill out"....got this one on Tuesday. Maybe Laura's boy theory is starting to fade?
6. "Are you sure you can eat that?", or "Shouldn't you be eating more?", or lastly, "I can't believe you ate that entire fried chicken."
There is something about pregnancy that automatically puts a target on your head for verbal diarrhea. You are fair game to everyone's running commentaries/judgements/advice and experience. I'm still working on a way to gently say "no thanks". But in the mean time, I offer a bit of my own advice. Next time you see a pregnant woman hit a home run by letting her know how absolutely fantastic she looks. Tell her that you are certain she is having a boy. Or, if you can't bring yourself to that level of verbal generosity might I suggest, "I like your shoes/hat/purse/nail polish."?