Josh and Jen

Yesterday, Josh and I had one of our longest conversations in recent memory.  Knowing that this is a rarity, we covered as much conversational ground as we could.  We touched on work and work-life balance before meandering into the murky waters of parenthood.  We got surprisingly deep given the fact that I was wheeling a busted cart through the clearance aisles of a local Marshalls as Vivian quietly entertained herself by going through my wallet.  Keeping one eye on my credit cards, two hands on the cart and a shoulder-hold on my phone, Josh and I had a chance to talk about what is needed to start a family.  We covered the obvious like, money, savings and medical coverage.  Also in the "no duh" category: Time, commitment, love and patience.  But, more so than you could ever fathom producing and then you find yourself squeezing out even more.

After thinking further, and wanting to give Josh and Jen a more comprehensive idea of what to expect here are more thoughts that came to mind today:
Sometimes parenthood means relying on those awesome memories you had with your significant other years ago because what may be in your recent reserves may involve zoning out on your couch as you take turns with the remote.  Because although you'd like to think otherwise, there will be a stark difference between who you are as a couple pre and post kids.  There are days when you won't recognize yourself as an individual, as a couple.  The disgruntled, lumpy, crazy eyed person who looks off their meds is the same person grinning ear to ear in the wedding picture.  It's like an eerie before and after picture.  Speaking of disgruntled and lumpy, the entire category of self-care (which includes such silly notions as "me-time", "mental health days" and the like) is wedged somewhere between cleaning the gutters and aerating the lawn, in terms of priorities.  Hours of lazily trying on outfits and contemplating what you'll wear to this weekends party are over.  Shopping for yourself post-parent is like an Olympic sport.   Without strength, speed and emotional grit you fail.  Today was the first and last time I took the girls clothes shopping for me.  Confused, they entered into the dressing room.  Viv automatically began taking off her clothes as Ella dissolved into laughter at the sight of me in my underwear (by the way, we're at that fun stage).  Sweating and shamed, I grabbed a few shirts and threw them at the cashier and left before my esteem suffered any more (just kidding...kind of).  

Gosh, I just made parenthood sound awful.  But here's the thing.  It's not.  And most parents will say the same thing.  It's a sh*$-ton of work but it's ok.  It's like some freaky math equation that doesn't make sense but all equals out.  I promise.  So best of luck Josh and Jen as you think about considering this next chapter in your lives.  After reading this, I won't be offended if you'd prefer to keep our conversations light in the future...gun control, immigration reform, etc.