Once Upon A Time

I'm thinking I should have just checked out something by Tolstoy and waited to read Peggy Orenstein's book, "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" until after Labor Day. As far as summer reads go, it certainly did not qualify as fluff. Regardless, I really enjoyed her perspective and it gave me more to think about as a parent trying to raise my girls with some degree of consciousness (maybe semi-consciousness). As a mother of daughters I often wrestle with myself over the message I'm promoting in regard to being female. Here is what I do know:
I was no stranger to NOW growing up in my mother's household. So it comes as no surprise that Barbie is the devil. She recently reared her ugly head at Vivian's first birthday party. Needless to say, she was swiftly transitioned into a shoe box and then buried out in our garbage later that day. Bratz Dollz and the like are equally sinister. Princess movies should be questioned rigorously. In fact, I'd rather my kids have movie night with Freddy Krueger.
With two girls we could easily be swallowed whole by pink and purple but as much as possible we try to push a diverse palate of colors. To my delight, Ella often refers to brown as her favorite color. Ahh...not only has she momentarily turned her back on pink but she embraces her skin tone as well...an over-analyzing, psycho-drivel-loving mom's dream! Break out the politically correct skin-tone crayons now!
It's not that I'm turning my back on everything "girlie"...I'm just trying to create a more balanced gender diet while I can. The girls have tool boxes and trucks, Lincoln Logs and bugs. They also have baby dolls, tulle skirts, fancy shoes and tea sets. But beyond the "stuff", the clothes, the toys, the obvious, I'm stuck.
I realize that much of the message is what they observe versus what they play with or wear to the playground. My generation, the children of feminists, were told that we could "have it all". We watched as our mothers joined the workforce, divorced our fathers, embracing both birth control and microwave dinners. Mom, don't worry, I'm just talking in generalities ; ) We were programed to want not only the home, the kids and the husband but the profession and independence as well. But now, as I see my colleagues and I trying to manage "it all", I can't help wondering if the message needs to be tweaked. In all honesty, striving for "it all" really sucks...at least as it's currently defined. But what is the alternative? Not sure. What do I want my daughters to aspire to have? What will make their life complete or meaningful as a woman? Here is where I need help.
Cue Ani DeFranco...
My hope is that they will see a time when a woman can run for office and the public not question her ability to care for her children, her choice in pant-suits or use of lipstick. I hope that they will see a time when equity is not even a question. I hope they will see a time when they don't feel like they have to chose between family and career or feel that they've fallen short on all of the above. I hope they will see a time when feminist is not seen as an "f" word, better yet a time when the word feminist isn't even necessary. I hope they do see a time when they don't have to think this hard about what it means to be female....cuz after reading that book and writing this post I'm exhausted. I hope they see a time when they can live happily ever after.
The End.