Classifieds

According to an old African proverb, it takes a village to raise a child. And at first glance, the Village of Oak Park could easily fit the bill. We love the proximity to the city, the many transportation options, OP's pride in it's diversity, not to mention the farmer's market donuts. But Jerry and I don't just want a village, we want friends. Local friends. We are like Jennifer Aniston nearing Valentine's Day; the desperation must be palpable. We are constantly trolling for potential buddies but are coming up short.
"They have a dog" (automatic disqualifier given Jerry's allergies).
"They have grey hair"
"They seemed too eager" (Actual disqualifier recently used with a perfectly nice couple we met at the farmer's market...we discounted them as possible evangelists...no kidding. And yes, although we too are desperate for friendship, it doesn't come off that way. We play hard to get. There is a real difference).
So Jerry and I are officially posting an opening for friendship in the Oak Park area. Our objective is to find a normal couple with children that live within a three block radius. To help narrow down the candidates, as I'm sure we will be inundated, we've created the "FIVE PILLARS OF FRIENDSHIP" as seen below.
1. Intensity: This couple must take parenting seriously but not act as they do. They must allow for the right amount of dirt consumption and dangerous play. They are a candidate that would not microwave a Styrofoam take out container but would live by the "Ten Second Rule".
2. Interests: Candidate couples must be a source of inspiration. They must engage in extracurriculars that do not involve Huggies or sippy cups. Understandably, parenthood is a primary role in our lives right now...but bring us something other than one dimension. We want to hear about your trumpet lessons or your obsession with the Kardashian family...motivate us. The perfect candidates would be well versed in both ESPN and PBS.
3. Food and Drink: The right candidates have at least a working knowledge of foods like quinoa or confit. We don't want to hire a baby sitter to go out with friends that order like our toddler. Chicken fingers are a definite disqualifier.
4. Politics: If we like and respect you, we may be willing to listen to a differing view point. Otherwise, this is an obvious deal breaker.
5. Appearance: We've never been able to pull off the disheveled mommy/homeless man look. We don't feel bad about it...most people can't. Our prospective friends must be one standard deviation above the guy that panhandles off of Harlem Avenue exit. It's not vanity...just a sign that you haven't allowed your children to completely hijack your life.

Resumes will be accepted starting November 1st. Best of luck to all of the prospective candidates.